This morning’s weight = 194.4 lb. Ugh! I wish I could be happy with my body; D is always telling me how gorgeous I am. Unfortunately, I don't feel gorgeous. I don't even feel pretty. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that I’m ugly; -- (most) people don’t turn from me in disgust or fear -- and I have some features that I actually like … pretty eyes, nice cheekbones … but for the most part, I don’t feel like any special.
Why is weight such a big deal for me? I’ve had people outside my family show surprise when I mention my weight. One person even told me, “You wear it well.” Unfortunately, I just don’t feel attractive, or that I’m wearing it well. And it is more than the number on the scale (although that is a big part of it); I also know that I am not in good health … I get winded going up the stairs at work; my feet hurt all the time; I can’t walk faster than a 15-minute-mile without my heart pounding. For my own health and the sake of my children, I need to make better choices with my food and my activity choices.
I know that what will work best: 1) track everything that goes into my mouth AND 2) exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I am losing the battle with keeping a clean-enough living space for regular exercise at home, and the bad-weather months are on their way, so I’m probably going to have to get a gym/fitness center membership … then I’ll actually have to use it. Also, I am atrocious at tracking my intake; I’m just not that dedicated (or organized). Further, I give in to temptation way to easily (no willpower WHATSOEVER); and there are so many tempting things. You see my dilemma.
But, if anybody cares (other than me), I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep working at this.
Why is weight such a big deal for me? I’ve had people outside my family show surprise when I mention my weight. One person even told me, “You wear it well.” Unfortunately, I just don’t feel attractive, or that I’m wearing it well. And it is more than the number on the scale (although that is a big part of it); I also know that I am not in good health … I get winded going up the stairs at work; my feet hurt all the time; I can’t walk faster than a 15-minute-mile without my heart pounding. For my own health and the sake of my children, I need to make better choices with my food and my activity choices.
I know that what will work best: 1) track everything that goes into my mouth AND 2) exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I am losing the battle with keeping a clean-enough living space for regular exercise at home, and the bad-weather months are on their way, so I’m probably going to have to get a gym/fitness center membership … then I’ll actually have to use it. Also, I am atrocious at tracking my intake; I’m just not that dedicated (or organized). Further, I give in to temptation way to easily (no willpower WHATSOEVER); and there are so many tempting things. You see my dilemma.
But, if anybody cares (other than me), I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep working at this.
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