Missed Opportunity

Have you ever wanted something to happen, and then been disappointed when it happened? That is how I have been feeling. You see ...

I went off my BC at the end of May because it exacerbated my depression. However, then we were unprotected, and we were "together" at JUST the right time, and then ... I had to learn how to breathe again. And I prayed that I would not be pregnant. Now I know I am not pregnant, and I'm disappointed by the not being pregnant thing, and that doesn't make any sense because the realist in me knows that now is not the right time for another child (for so many reasons). But there is still a part of me that is disappointed, nay, ANGRY, about the whole situation; when really, who do I have to be angry with except myself, since I prayed not to be pregnant? Rather than living in the dream world wherein another baby would make everything better (D would stop being sick; Tigger would stop being angry; Lumpy would start going to sleep at night without requiring my hair), and instead I had to face reality and make the best decision for the family I have now.

And that decision was to find another type of protection and do everything I can to not get pregnant again.

To this, I say, "Damage." (Thanks, Antique Mommy!)