Unearth My Muse

Actors

2011-03-26T23:04:00.001-07:00

I have long admired, and somewhat envied, actors. And I'm not talking about those that make it rich and famous. I mean actors, in general.

"What do you envy about actors?" you might ask.

I envy the chance they get to step out of their own lives and into the shoes of someone else; to forget their own cares and worries and see how it is for another. There have been many times in my life where I have wished for this ability. Or maybe it is just the desire to step out of all the roles that I HAVE to play, and into a role that I choose to play...

Aside: I believe the actors I enjoy watching the most are those that are truly able to feel empathy for the characters they portray.

Another aside: I found the following unpublished partial post, entitled "Actors Have More Fun", sitting around since June 11, 2007:

I've been thinking about jobs a lot lately, and I think that actors are lucky. And no, I'm not talking about money and fame. I'm talking about getting paid to act like you are somebody else. Sometimes I think it would be really nice to be able to leave my own life behind for awhile and, even if the pretend life I was leading wasn't the nicest, at least I wouldn't be tied to those problems forever and could return to my own issues at the end of the day; would that make me a "method" actor?

Epiphany

2011-03-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

I realized something about myself this weekend, and though it surprised me, with thought it is so very obvious. I have always thought of myself as a writer, and it is true that I have been writing for many years … I have a friend from middle school who recently reminded me that I was writing a novel in my spare time even then, and I have always found the act of writing, especially in a journal, to be relaxing and writing fiction to be enjoyable, for the most part. (Don’t get me wrong, I know that writing is hard work.)

Even when I have time to write, I don’t always choose to do so. I won’t drop everything to write, and I don’t feel frustrated and wound up when I don’t get the chance to write. I do, however, begin to feel that way when I don’t have something good to READ! With retrospection, I realized that the directive from an experienced writer which has always thrilled me the most is this: “To be a good writer, you must be a reader.” That, dear friend, is what I have always excelled at. I was even a young reader, having learned to read when I was three years old … my husband says that it is my competitive, jealous nature that wouldn’t allow my brother to know how to read when I didn’t, and he may be right, but I prefer to think that it was my subconscious recognizing what I have only just consciously acknowledged…

I AM A READER!

Now if I can just figure out how to make a living reading, then I would truly have found my calling. Any ideas?

Happiness

2011-03-10T23:07:00.000-08:00

I just have to say that The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is an absolutely AWESOME book, and the paperback version was just released. I read the book last year, borrowed from the library, and loved it so much that I just had to get a copy for myself. Every time I pick it up to remind myself of something, I end up reading through to the end of that chapter. Gretchen's writing is absolutely captivating, and her situation is very easy (at least for me) to relate with. I also love her blog by the same name.

I have been trying to have my own happiness project this year, variable rates of success. I am proud to say that I have flossed my teeth every day (except one) since February 3rd, and have been almost as good about brushing my teeth twice per day ... two of my Resolutions for the year.

I have been less good about getting enough sleep, as evidenced by the fact that I am writing this after 11 pm on the night before a day when I have to get up at 6:15 am. That being said, I should probably get some sleep...

Still Not Writing

2009-06-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

Who am I kidding? Certainly not anybody who might be reading this blog. And certainly not myself. I want to write; I really do. But there is stuff going on in my life right now (which I cannot blog about) that seems to be keeping me from doing the writing that would most help me to cope with what is happening in my life right now. How's that for convoluted?

I am joining a writing group, and though I have missed the first two scheduled get-togethers, I WILL attend the next one. Come he** or high water. To digress -- for some reason I like that phrase, but I don't know why. :)

BREAKING NEWS: We added two new members to our family; two little, short-haired, tabby male kittens from the same litter. One is very exploratory while the other is somewhat more timid. The funny thing is, though, the more exploratory one (I'm calling him "Rascal" for the time being) is much more aggressive when it comes to wrestling with his brother (I'm calling him "Velcro"), but when they finally decided they were hungry, Velcro was very possessive of his food and wouldn't let Rascal eat anything; we had to get Rascal his own separate dish so that he could eat. They are ADORABLE! I'll try to post photos when I have some available...

Unintentional Hiatus

2009-04-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! The further I get from posting, the harder it seems to be for me to get back to the site to generate a new post. And unfortunately I don't really have much to say, except that I am working at being happier and healthier.

I still try to read the blogs on my blogroll pretty regularly, though right now that is probably about once every two weeks. And look, I've added a new blog. It's Craftastic World (http://craftasticworld.blogspot.com/), and it is so much fun! I have to admit, I know that blogger personally, and I am honored to have been the co-recipient of one of her fairy doors, and the parent of three additional recipients. Thanks so much, Craftastic! Each one of the doors is greatly treasured!

Oh, and I forgot to tell the world: I did manage to craft a 50,000+ word novel during NaNoWriMo 2008; if I can remember how to do it, I'll add my 2008 Winner award to this page ... but no promises. :)

I do, however, promise to try to be more responsible in posting here. I know that I joined "Blog Guilt Free" and so I don't have to blog for anyone but myself, but I think I need to make this promise to myself, too, or I'll just forget to write, and that is NOT a good thing for me.

Anticipation, Tribulation, Jubilation (almost)

2008-11-03T23:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it is November again, and you know what that means ... NaNoWriMo has begun! That's right, it is once again National Novel Writing Month, and I am competing again. My post title refers to the predominant feelings I have had regarding NaNoWriMo this year.

First, ANTICIPATION! I have been anticipating this month for nearly 10 months. Why? Because now I have an excuse to write, write, write up a storm, and I probably won't hear too much grief about how much time I am spending on the laptop.

Unfortunately, anticipation made way for TRIBULATION when the month started and I still didn't have a plot, characters, anything even remotely creative to throw on paper. So what did I do? I started two ... that's right, two ... different stories on November 1st. I started with one story, switched to another and wrote over 2200 words in that vein, and then returned to the original. I am considering the other story to be written another time, but for this month it was a good way to get the creative juices flowing and at least some words on paper.

Now, I am feeling some JUBILATION (almost). The almost is because I have managed to write over 7K words on my original story, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to stretch it out into 50,000 words. However, I know that if I am going to do anything this month, I can't allow myself to fall into questioning when I am doing ... this is the month to push my doubts away and just write furiously. It has been too long since I allowed myself to just create without worrying that it was worth it, and it feels good to get to that point again.

35

2008-10-19T23:28:00.001-07:00

I find it an interesting coincidence that the title of this post reflects two things ... 1) My (almost) age; and 2) the score I received on Dr. Phil's test. Below are the questions and scoring rubric, in case you want to take this test yourself; if you do take the test, please post your score in the comments to this post. Thanks!

-Beth

Dr. Phil's Test

Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on the Oprah show - she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!

Don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.

Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready.

This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper to keep track of your letter answers to each question.

Ready??

Begin

1. When do you feel at your best?
a) In the morning.
b) During the afternoon and early evening.
c) Late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) Fairly fast, with long steps
b) Fairly fast, with little steps
c) Less fast, head up, looking the world in the face
d) Less fast, head down
e) Very slowly

3. When talking to people you...
a) Stand with your arms folded
b) Have your hands clasped
c) Have one or both hands on your hips
d) Touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) Play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) Your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) Your legs crossed
c) Your legs stretched out or straight
d) One leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) A big appreciative laugh
b) A laugh, but not a loud one
c) A quiet chuckle
d) A sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) Make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) Make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) Make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. You...
a) Welcome the break
b) Feel extremely irritated
c) Vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) Black
c) Yellow or light blue
d) Green
e) Dark blue or purple
f) White
g) Brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are...
a) Stretched out on your back
b) Stretched out face down on your stomach
c) On your side, slightly curled
d) With your head on one arm
e) With your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) Falling
b) Fighting or struggling
c) Searching for something o r somebody
d) Flying or floating
e) You usually have dreamless sleep
f) Your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. a=2 b=4 c=6
2. a=6 b=4 c=7 d=2 e=1
3. a=4 b=2 c=5 d=7 e=6
4. a=4 b=6 c=2 d=1
5. a=6 b=4 c=3 d=5
6. a=6 b=4 c=2
7. a=6 b=2 c=4
8. a=6 b=7 c=5 d=4 e=3 f=2 g=1
9. a=7 b=6 c=4 d=2 e=1
10. a=4 b=2 c=3 d=5 e=6 f=1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and the n, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS:
People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Sold!

2008-10-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

If it were up to me, I would sell (almost) everything in my house for $50,000 dollars, and then I would use that money to start over. With $50,000 I could get the things that are really necessary (shelter, clothing, food) and enough "extras" to keep my kids and me going for quite some time. I could probably manage to do that with $20,000, but then whoever got what I currently own would be getting quite the bargain.

The things I would keep:

Photos
Washing machine
Vacuum cleaner ... this is an old canister vac (belonged to my Grandmother); it is the best vacuum cleaner I have ever owned.
Shredder ... purchased this year, and this is one of those "indispensible" items.
Stereo ... this gets used pretty regularly, so it's either keep this one or purchase another.
Sewing machine ... I don't use it very often, but Owl does
Some clothing ... mostly things for the kids, although there are a very few items of my own that I wear often enough to keep.
The hanging wicker chair my parents bought for me when we lived in Italy; every time anyone sits it in they declare it to be their favorite chair.
Music ... nearly all the CDs I own and everything purchased electronically. I'd probably have to purchase an external hard drive to remove the items from my current computer so I could put them on the new computer I'd buy.

The things I would replace:

Computer ... I would purchase a laptop rather than a desktop, mostly for the convenience of portability, but also because most current laptops are faster than my old dinosaur.
Kitchen items ... pots, pans, dishes, cups, utensils. I don't think I'd take anything from my current kitchen (although maybe the two frying pans I purchased this weekend).
Clothing

Things I might replace:

Books (although we have a great local library...)
TV/VCR/DVD Player
DVDs ... this, of course, would depend upon the previous line

Of course, I'm sure that there are other things I would come across in the process of boxing up my current belongings to give to the new owner. Also, since this type of decision is currently not completely up to me, this is just a "pipe dream".

Recycling ... In The Extreme

2008-10-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

I try to recycle; and for my area, I think I do a pretty good job. Sadly, this past summer, our University recycling center closed to the public; they now only provide services to the University. There is (and has been for some time) a recycling center that provided more services ... including taking used oil and batteries ... but that is about 15 miles from our house; with gasoline nearly $4/gallon and the relative size of the house in which I live, it is not feasible for me to store the recycling items long enough to make a single trip worthwhile. Therefore, I have had to reduce my recycling efforts to: 1) cardboard - corrugated and the paper that is used to make cereal boxes; 2) paper - mixed and shredded paper; 3) cans - aluminum and tin; 4) glass; 5) plastic - milk jugs and soda pop bottles. This is a much shorter list than I am used to, and it has had an effect on the amount of trash going into our barrel for pick-up. :(

However, even as hard-core as I have been, there are some things that I never would have considered as recyclable. Take, for instance, this article from snopes.com. I understand, on a conscious level, that condoms are made from rubber, and that rubber BANDS are the core of your typical hair band. I also understand, on that same conscious level, that some of the condoms used in the hair bands in question were found to be inferior at the factory and were never used for their original intended purpose. Unfortunately, even having that knowledge at the conscious level does not keep me from having the initial reaction of disgust.

Additionally, when it becomes clear from the article that not all of the condoms used inside the hair bands were sent directly from the factory, but instead may have been recycled AFTER use ... disgust and outrage battle for the upper hand … and end with a resounding EWWWWWWW!

Sabbatical

2008-09-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a book, The Marriage Sabbatical, and I must admit that I have been in a much better mood than I’ve felt in a long time. My mind is caught up in the possibilities; racing headlong into the fantasy of solitude, freedom, adventure. If I were to get such an opportunity, I would like to take at least three months, and I would use that time to focus on three things: 1) writing without interrupting; 2) exercising regularly; 3) eating more health consciously. I would surround myself with music (I suspect that, quite often, it would be louder than my family likes) and not much else; material things are of little consequence.

However, I don’t know if I would actually take a sabbatical from work – I probably couldn’t afford to take more than a month away – nor do I know if I would simply use the time to live separately (to live alone, for the first time ever in my life) and reflect for personal growth, or if I would use the sabbatical for more formal study.

For as long as I can remember, since I first had the ability, I have written. Short stories, poems, personal journals (not the food-tracking kind), novels – I have been writing “novels” for years, though not with much success. Unfortunately, I haven’t written as much in past years as I had when I was younger, taking lengthy breaks between frantic writing stints (my last major effort occurring November 2007 during NaNoWriMo). Feeling this way and knowing that I want to write, that I HAVE TO write or my soul withers, I have been considering returning to school to obtain a degree, either Master of Fine Arts (MFA) or a Master of Arts in English with an emphasis in creative writing. I would prefer an MFA. According to the University of Idaho website, “The M.F.A. is the terminal degree for those wishing to teach creative writing at the college or university level.” Although I enjoy my job, it is just that … a job. I would like something more fulfilling, and I definitely believe that writing creatively (and possibly teaching creative writing) is my niche.

Now I just have to be determined, be willing to make the necessary sacrifices, be willing to step outside my comfort zone, and I CAN do this.

Is Procrastination Healthy?

2008-09-27T22:57:00.000-07:00

Seriously, Is Procrastination Healthy? is an actual article and, being the procrastinator that I am, I just had to check it out. Here's what I learned:

Procrastination is good (i.e., "The peculiar genius of desperation and 4 a.m. logic is a fecund contributor to the national product."), except when it isn't (e.g., "When relationships are ruined, spouses feel betrayed, bosses are disgusted, and a person is frozen, frustrated, and disillusioned with that nonperformer staring back in the mirror ... procrastination is an enemy to mental health.").

Also, did you know that there are six different types of procrastinators? 1) Perfectionists, 2) Dreamers, 3) Crisis Makers, 4) Worriers, 5) Defiers, 5) Overdoers (all defined in the article). What I want to know is … what if someone falls into more than one category? For example, I tend to be a dreamer and a perfectionist (although occasionally I am either a worrier or a defier).

Furthermore, research has shown that procrastinators don’t benefit from time-management training because procrastinating is not an inability to manage time, but a “glitch” in the procrastinators’ personality style. So … in order to overcome the tendency to procrastinate, or at least to reduce the frequency, the procrastinator has to change her thinking.

I know that sometimes procrastination is healthy, but, when it comes to my writing, I’m the dreaming perfectionist who never gets started … I’ve been meaning to edit my NaNoWriMo 2007 novel, and I haven’t even begun the process (which includes printing the document out, single-sided and double-spaced, and reading through it with pen in hand). However, this procrastination article, and several other books I have been reading, just might get me started.

Redirection

2008-09-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

I realized that by turning Unearth My Muse into a weight-loss blog, I am being unfair to myself. Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against weight-loss blogs (just check out my blogroll). I absolutely LOVE PastaQueen (formerly Half of Me), and The Diet Naked Blog led me to Mel … and her other site, Actual Unretouched Photo. Some day, when I’m worthy, I hope to meet her (and possibly introduce my brood to hers).

However, in turning MY blog into one solely about weight-loss, I am taking the easy (for me) way out. A review of my first post, and my sub-title, shows something of my original goals. First and foremost, this is supposed to be a place where I can stretch and exercise my writing muscles. Secondly, it is a place to record the happenings of each day so that someday, when I am old(er) and gray(er), I can come back and be reminded of my day-to-day life.

That being said, I might still comment on my weight and anything weight-loss-related that strikes my fancy. However, I am not going to limit myself to one relatively narrow focus.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Pyramids

2008-09-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

According to MyPyramid.gov, my daily intake (based on a 2,000 calorie diet) should be:

6 oz. grains
2 ½ C. vegetables
2 C. fruits
3 C. milk
5 ½ oz. meat & beans
Limit solid fats and sugars to 265 calories a day.

Here’s how I think I can apply this to a plan for losing weight:

4 - 1-oz. servings of while grain bread/crackers/brown rice (2 oz. less than recommended)
5 - ½-C. servings of vegetables; 1 serving for a snack and 2 servings at both lunch and dinner
3 - ½-C. servings of fruit; 1 with breakfast, 1 with lunch and 1 for a snack/dessert
3 - 1-C. servings of milk; 1 C. fat free milk with each meal
2 servings of meat or beans, 1 each at lunch and dinner
1 sweet treat ≤ 100 calories

Now I just have to apply this philosophy and begin exercising on a daily basis, and I should see some (happy) results.

Oh, no!

2008-09-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

This morning’s weight = 194.4 lb. Ugh! I wish I could be happy with my body; D is always telling me how gorgeous I am. Unfortunately, I don't feel gorgeous. I don't even feel pretty. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that I’m ugly; -- (most) people don’t turn from me in disgust or fear -- and I have some features that I actually like … pretty eyes, nice cheekbones … but for the most part, I don’t feel like any special.

Why is weight such a big deal for me? I’ve had people outside my family show surprise when I mention my weight. One person even told me, “You wear it well.” Unfortunately, I just don’t feel attractive, or that I’m wearing it well. And it is more than the number on the scale (although that is a big part of it); I also know that I am not in good health … I get winded going up the stairs at work; my feet hurt all the time; I can’t walk faster than a 15-minute-mile without my heart pounding. For my own health and the sake of my children, I need to make better choices with my food and my activity choices.

I know that what will work best: 1) track everything that goes into my mouth AND 2) exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I am losing the battle with keeping a clean-enough living space for regular exercise at home, and the bad-weather months are on their way, so I’m probably going to have to get a gym/fitness center membership … then I’ll actually have to use it. Also, I am atrocious at tracking my intake; I’m just not that dedicated (or organized). Further, I give in to temptation way to easily (no willpower WHATSOEVER); and there are so many tempting things. You see my dilemma.

But, if anybody cares (other than me), I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep working at this.

No Weight

2008-09-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

It's only been a week, but it feels like longer. I didn't weigh in on Monday ... because I forgot to weigh myself. I was headed out of town for a 1.5 day seminar in Seattle, WA and in the rush to get everyone else ready for the day, and then finish my own packing and getting myself out the door, I didn't get around to weighing myself.

Also, while I was gone, I made use of the hotel fitness room on both Tuesday and Wednesday mornings; I used an elliptical machine for the first time Tuesday morning, and managed ten minutes before the program I selected became much too difficult to continue. Then I moved to the treadmill and walked for another ten minutes. On Wednesday, I used the treadmill and walked for just under fifteen minutes, completing a mile. I then did some leg lifts to work my abs. I've continued with a few small crunches to work my abs, and also did some squats while waiting for the water in the shower in reach an acceptable temperature yesterday. My current goal is to incorporate exercise in my daily routine, so that it becomes, well, routine.

Oh, and yesterday I also went with my son's Cub Scout troop for a hike; we spent about two hours on the path, about an hour spent climbing the trail, fifteen minutes milling around at the summit, and 45 minutes coming down. That was quite a workout.

I guess I'll find out tomorrow if any of this activity, paired with my new habit of eating only when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full, has caused any change in my weight.

Time

2008-09-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

D is out of town this week, attending the Photoshop World Conference in Las Vegas. He has reported to enjoying himself, though he has expressed surprise and shock at the cost of food. Apparently the low-cost buffets are the stuff of legends; started on a grain of truth but no longer based on reality.

I find myself wanting to take advantage of this time "alone" (I'm not really alone, as the kids remain in my care). Just some of the things I want to do: 1) Watch movies - D and I have such different tastes in movies that I feel I should use the opportunity to watch my action films; 2) Read books; 3) Write - I haven't done any significant writing in months; not since completing NaNoWriMo last year; 4) Exercise; 5) Eat like I'm on vacation - raw cookie dough and Dr. Pepper while watching afore-mentioned action movie(s) [takes me back to weekends in College with my girlfriends]; 6) Sleep.

I am torn as to which activity to give my attention to, so I am ending up doing (almost) none of the above; I did get some extra sleep because Lumpy went to sleep with me one night, and Tigger did the next night (earlier going-to-bed time for me so each of them will get enough sleep). I act as Tigger did earlier tonight while trying to decide what to have for dinner -- I treated the kids to TV dinners -- there were so many that he wanted to try that he was unable to settle on a single item. I think he finally just opened the freezer door, closed his eyes, and reached.

Unfortunately, in my indecision, I have managed to let the time pass without doing any of the things outlined above. Not that the time was a total waste, as I have managed to write this post and also listen to some wonderful music, but it has passed without my full attention and, thus, is now lost.

Weight Update

2008-09-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I didn't update this blog with my weight last Monday ... which is surprising considering that my weight was (slightly) lower last week; on Monday I weighed 196.8, down 0.2 from the previous week. This week, however, I am happy to report that there has been a more significant loss. My weight this morning was 193.4. Woohoo! I am trying to follow the guidelines in The Weigh Down Diet; eat whatever food I want, but only eat it when my body is truly hungry, take the time to eat slowly, drink a calorie-free beverage (water or tea) with my meal, and stop eating when I feel full. I also tracked my caloric intake for a couple days last week, but I am not very good at doing that. Other than that ... the loss is a mystery. I haven't started exercising, yet (I plan to start tomorrow, with either a quick workout in the morning, if I wake up early enough, or a walk during my lunch).

With my goal to lose 50 pounds before my birthday in 2009 (mid-November), I better get to work.

Mixed Bag

2008-08-24T23:13:00.001-07:00

D and I passed our 10th Anniversary on Friday. SHOCKING! We each took the entire day from work to spend time together; a big breakfast at The Old European restaurant (open daily from 6am-2pm) , "The House Bunny" at the movie theater, a large seafood meal at home with the kids, and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" after the kids were in bed. Surprising, I know, but neither D nor I had ever seen "Fast Times..." prior to Friday night. We also watched "Used Cars", a Kurt Russell movie from 1980, last night.

***

Unofficial Movie Review: The House Bunny. This movie is rated PG-13, and I think that might be a little too relaxed: adult content (scantily clad women, frequent innuendo) is highly inappropriate for young teenagers. However, even though I was skeptical, I did enjoy the movie. I would not purchase or purposely re-watch this movie, but it was good for some laughs. Rating: 3 stars (out of five).

***

The school year is about to begin, and even though classes don't start until Wednesday, we have school-related activities tomorrow (Kindergarten Orientation Night) and Tuesday (Back-to-School Night at the elementary school). I am also leaving work early tomorrow to have a special lunch and one-on-one time with Owl since she is about to start High School. I'll try to report on that later.

Weight

2008-08-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

As of yesterday morning, I am the heaviest I have ever been, with the exception of my second pregnancy -- I weighed 199 pounds on the eve of Tigger's birth. I don't know why, but at some point in my life I promised myself that I would never weigh more than 200 pounds, and I have been diligently battling food for (most of) the past twenty years to make sure I kept that promise, previously afore-mentioned pregnancy excluded. I am now dangerously close to breaking that promise, and I am almost frantic in my desire to keep that from occurring.

Last month, I thought I had found an answer … the Weigh Down Diet. Of course, I thought The South Beach Diet was the answer before that, along with the 3-day Fruit Flush diet, The Atkins Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, etc. As I mentioned, I have been taking part in a prolonged conflict with food for more than half my life; they say that hindsight is 20-20 and I look back at my 135-pound high school self and regret all the time I was unhappy with my weight and build. I was a cheerleader my senior year, and I wanted to be the girl that was thrown into the air, but I had to accept my status as “base”.

For my current self, I know that the weight I am carrying around is not healthy … I get winded going up stairs, my ankles and feet hurt almost constantly, my waist measurement is 39”, my BMI is >30. I realize that I must make changes in order to lose some of this weight, and it can’t be another diet that calls for drastic changes. In fact, I now believe that a diet is not the answer at all. I need to add physical activity into my day. Certainly healthy food choices will also be necessary, but throughout the war I have relied on controlling the food rather than on exercise. That is about to change.

My goals:
1. I will achieve at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise three days per week.
2. I will use exercise bands to achieve three days of strength training each week.
3. I will post my weight on this web site every Monday.
4. I will post any insight as to weight fluctuations, up or down.

I will appreciate any support you provide (be it through your comments or your prayers).

Oh, and my weight as of yesterday morning was 197 pounds.

Day of Fun (and relaxation)

2008-08-17T22:55:00.001-07:00

We had a bit of fun today. I hope these are memories the kids will keep:

First a little back-story -- on Friday D and I purchased another vehicle … three months ago we had two, now we have four (and there are still only two drivers in our house). Anyway, through the generosity of D’s mom (“Thanks, Mom!”), we were able to purchase a 1996 Chevy Astro. Today we all took a ride, to the local Baskin Robbins. Each of us got a milkshake: Oreo Explosions for Owl and Tigger, Peppermint for D, Mint Chip for me and Strawberry Cheesecake for Lumpy (most of hers is still in the freezer).

When we got home, D had to leave again -- he has training for work in the nearest metropolis (far enough to drive, too far to come home every night) -- so the kids and I went to the local outdoor swimming pool. We stayed about 80 minutes. Lumpy was having a great time, but her lips were purple within the first half hour; as her teacher has pointed out, she has “no insulation.” Tigger kept bouncing off the high diving board; I jumped once and then dove off the lower board a few times. Owl and I, alternately, watched Lumpy working on her swimming and doing handstands. Although Lumpy rarely let go of the side of the pool, she did work on putting her face in the water and “swimming feet.”

I’m not sure why I’d not thought to visit the pool earlier this summer, and with only 9 days left before school begins, there aren’t that many more opportunities for us to swim, but we might try to go back again before the summer is officially over …

Back To School

2008-08-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

Eight hours (over two days) and $376 dollars later, three intrepid adventurers have been outfitted for the next phase of their respective educational journeys; Lumpy begins, Tigger slogs on, and Owl can see the summit – it is distant, but within sight. That's right, as of the last week of August, all three children will be attending the local public school. I am both terrified and exhilarated by this knowledge. I feel, alternately, ready for, and bewildered by, the speed with which this is occurring. We only moved into this house yesterday; Lumpy was 4 weeks old, Tigger had a year to go before Kindergarten, and Owl was beginning 4th Grade -- now Lumpy is beginning Kindergarten, Tigger has taken Owl’s place in 4th Grade, and Owl is entering High School (FRESHMAN YEAR!!!!). Aaaagh! How did I get here?

On a positive note, Lumpy now shows excitement about starting school; up until Friday she was still showing more anxiety than any other emotion. With more than two weeks left before school begins, she was sorting through her new clothes to decide in which order she would wear them. Shopping for her was surprisingly simple; once she determined that the clothes fit, she wanted them all.

Tigger didn’t initially want to look for clothing at ShopKo; he wanted to go to the Old Navy store. After a quick cell phone conversation with D, though, he was ready; he ended up picking three new pairs of pants and six shirts (three polo’s and three t-shirts that can be worn separately or paired). His favorite pants are camouflage-pattern cargo pants; lots of pockets and a canvas belt.

Owl is so slender that almost anything looks good on her, and she also has a very good fashion sense. I’ll admit, the fact that shirts are now longer than in past years also pleases me mightily, and she has embraced that style wholeheartedly; it just works to make her look even taller and more slender.

Although the process wore me out, I’m glad that we did it now rather than waiting … the sheer number of other shoppers on the weekend before school is exhausting.

Many topics, no cohesion

2008-07-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've added a new blog to my sidebar; A Kiss, A Hug, and A Squeeze. I only found this blog today; and I am already in love with Alana's writing. How often do you come across something where, within just a few lines, you find that you can SO TOTALLY RELATE? That's what happened to me today when I started reading this blog. I am going to have to make some time to read her archives...

***

I haven't done a good job of posting about my weight and diet and such on this blog ... because I haven't been doing much to lower my weight, or making a healthy 'life change' regarding my diet, and I certainly have not been exercising. Part of this is because of my (poor) eating habits; 1) I am an emotional eater, so I eat when I'm angry or sad (which seems to be most of the time these days); 2) I am a mindless eater, so I eat whenever I am doing something that doesn't keep my hands busy (i.e., reading or watching television); 3) I am lazy, so I don't take the time to prepare healthy snacks, so when I reach for something (see #2 and #3 above), I choose unhealthy options (i.e., frozen ice cream treats, chips, uncooked pasta [macaroni, rotini, or angel hair are my favorites]). Part of this can also be attributed to my poor sleep habits; I don't go to bed early enough to get up early enough to exercise in the morning, and if I exercise in the evening I won't be able to sleep.

***

I recently bought a new (toy) tool. A Whirlpool Duet Sport with the Sanitary Wash cycle. I have been "outsourcing" my laundry, at least the washing part, for several months; unfortunately, that does not mean that somebody else has been doing it, that just means that I have been leaving my home. However, I did get the washing machine for a $70 discount because it was the last one in stock, and it has a VERY small dent on the top, and I. HEART. THIS. MACHINE! It is more than just being able to stay home to get this chore done: it is extremely efficient in both water and detergent usage, it will wash enough clothing at once time that I have to split the load in two for the dryer, the clothes don't take as long to get dry.... I could go on, but I'd rather not be a bore.

***

I need to keep a notebook with blog post ideas. The ideas come to me when I am far away from my computer, and by the time I get a chance to type ... poof! ... the ideas are gone. However, I am determined not to purchase another notebook for this purpose. I am a lover of paper, especially bound into a cute and/or useful notebook, and I should have more than sufficient resources already available to preclude another purchase. I have to admit, though, that this is a test ... and I hope to pass.

***

I think I know why Owl really likes ellipses. :)

Contest

2008-06-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

I am entering a contest. Here's to winning (maybe)...

This video is called: How to lose 192 pounds in 7 seconds

Pasta Queen is one of my favorite bloggers, and I really want to read her book (but it hasn't become available at the library yet ... and I'm really cheap). If you want to take part in this contest, go here: http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/archives/2008/06/how_to_lose_192.html

Good luck!

Sadness

2008-06-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little down right now. I realize that is one of the symptoms of my condition, but it seems to have been more pervasive lately; I guess I need to go back to my counselor for another session, and I should also be better about taking my prescription regularly.

There have been reasons for the sadness, too. Foremost: our family pet, our precious "Bijou", passed away sometime in the wee hours of the morning the Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend. She had hyperthyroidism and had lost a significant amount of weight, so it was not a total surprise. That does not, however, make it any less heartbreaking. To make matters worse, Tigger found her when he woke up that morning. He really loved her (probably still does); the first thing he did every morning and the last thing he did at night was to find her so he could pet her and give her hugs ... she obviously loved him, too, because she tolerated him following her around. I feel guilty because she died alone; not that I think our being with her would have stopped anything, but there is still the guilt. Also, it seems that she knew what was happening; all of us have recollections of her coming and spending at least a brief period of time with each of us, alone, that last evening. As Lumpy says, "She was saying good-bye." I think Lumpy is correct.

Here is a picture of her, before she got so sick and thin. Please excuse the quality of the photo; it was snapped with a cell phone camera.

As you can see, she was a beautiful grey tabby. What you can't see is that her fur was extremely soft and plush. She had lighter markings on her chest and belly. Aside from her physical characteristics, she was also extremely playful and an excellent mouser. Although D found her as a kitten, she was living with his parents when we met. She came to live with us after we discovered mice in our kitchen; she was barely through the front door when she saw the mouse boldly sauntering across our kitchen floor; that was his last saunter ... I had never seen a cat move so quickly. We never saw anything else of that mouse, either.

We called her our "Lion Tamer." We had an old stuffed lion that we gave to Bijou for her own; she would toss it in the air and catch it, roll on it, etc. The most memorable actions, though, was when she would grab it with her front claws, latch onto one of its ears or the scalp (for lack of a better word) between the ears with her teeth, and then rip at the rest with her hind claws. Owl still has the remains of that stuffed animal in her room ... the head, tail and paws are relatively intact, but there are only strips of fabric holding them together; the stuffing from the torso is completely gone, strewn hither and yon.

Bijou was also a bit clairvoyant ... she knew that I was pregnant with Tigger, and then again with Lumpy, before D and I even knew I was pregnant. Of course, her way of letting me know was less than pleasant - she would stand away from me and make this hissing noise deep in her throat, like she was trying to hiss past a hairball, and every time I tried to walk by her she would attack my feet. This behavior continued through to the end of both of my pregnancies, only letting up when we came home with each baby. It's not that she seemed especially interested in either one at that stage, but she was less prone to treating my feet like they were invading her territory.

Three Months

2008-06-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been three months since I posted anything here ... and the time has alternately raced by at supersonic speed and crawled like a slug on ice.

Anyway, I figure that I have been going at this all wrong. I originally came here to find, to uncover, to UNEARTH my muse, if you will. Unfortunately, she appears to be taking a hiatus. I think she's hiding because I have been waiting for her to sneak up behind me and strike me dumb with her inspiration; I don't think she likes physical violence. She may also believe that "God helps those who help themselves."

So, rather than waiting for my muse to clout me randomly with motivation, I have decided it is time for me to do what I love to do ... and that is to write. "I write for the same reason I breathe; because I would die if I didn't." I think I paraphrased that poorly, and I don't know who to thank, but it is definitely how I feel.

I can hear you now. "Ha, ha. Obviously that is not true, because she hasn't written for three months, so she would be dead." But in actuality I have been writing; just not here. As time permits, I may share some of my off-line thoughts and words; or I may just have so much to write (and I'm sure you are all waiting anxiously) that is new that I don't have time to share the old stuff.

So that's how things are going to be.

Oh, and I am still trying to lose weight. I am starting the "South Beach Diet: Supercharged" on Monday, June 23. I will post my starting (again) information at that time. I could ask that you wish me luck, but I would prefer that you wish me willpower and stamina.

Big, Fun, Scary Adventure replayed

2008-03-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been over one-and-one-half months since my last post. I guess that's one of the Big, Fun, Scary Adventure goals where I'm not going to succeed. In fact, I have altered my Big, Fun, Scary Adventure goals (slightly for some, more drastically for others. Here are my changes (since I couldn't figure out how to make this show up on the side bar:

Big:
1. Take part in NaNoEdMo 2008 using Edit my NaNoWriMo 2007 novel 'Station Slvation'.
2. Lose at least 20 pounds, but hopefully more like 30 pounds.
3. Exercise in a fun way (yoga, dance, kick boxing) at least four times per week, 30-minutes per session, starting now (March 19, 2008).

Fun:
1. Learn to play the violin/fiddle.
2. Write and post on my blog at least three times every week.
3. Take part in NaNoWriMo 2008 and win, again.

Scary:
1. Teach my 4-year-old to read using 'Hooked on Phonics'.

Any goal that is no longer possible, because of failure to do it yet, has been shaded in gray. New additions or alterations are in bold. Not that I am so bold as to assume that anybody is reading this ... just for my own recollections in future.

*************************************

I am also going to join Mel and "Diet Naked." Beginning next Monday, the day after Easter, I am going to diet the G.I. Diet way. I am going to plan and prepare my meals the day before; I will not come home at lunch but instead will use that time to eat sensibly and get some walking in; and I will start an exercise streak with a goal to exercise every day. If that doesn't help me to get started on "Big" goal #2, then nothing will.

Feng Shui Horoscope - Part 3

2008-01-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

Finally, the meaning to the answers:

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love affection.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. Your first initial?
A-K - You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R - You try to live your life to the max and your love life is soon to bloom.
S-Z - You like to help others and your future looks very bright.
3. Your month of birth?
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-Jun: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever.
Jul-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your life will be great; you will find your soul mate.
4. Which color do you like more: Black or White?
Black: Your life is about to get better. You are more than ready for the change.
White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you?
This person should be your best friend.
6. Your favorite number?
This is how many close friends you will have in your life time.
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover. You are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

So, based on my answers:

I am spontaneous and love affection. I have a lot of love and friendships in my life. My life will be great; I will find my soul mate. My life is about to get better and I am more than ready for the change. Carrie should be my best friend. I should have twelve close friends in my life time. I like adventure. I am spontaneous and like to please people.

While I don't know that everything listed here is accurate, some of it rings true (very true).

Feng Shui Horoscope - Part 2

2008-01-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

As promised, here are my answers to the Feng Shui Horoscope.

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow? Blue
2. Your first initial? B
3. Your month of birth? November
4. Which color do you like more: Black or White? Black
5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you? Carrie
6. Your favorite number? 12
7. Do you like California or Florida more? California
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more? Ocean

Tomorrow, the answers!

Feng Shui Horoscope

2008-01-28T22:48:00.000-08:00

I received this in the form of an e-mail forward, and though I am not going to forward it along, I am going to provide this as a three-part post. First, the questions. Second, my answers. The third post, will be an explanation of the answers (and if you play along, you'll be able to see the meaning of your own answers, too).

Here are the questions:

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more: Black or White?
5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you?
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

I'll leave out the ninth line, where you are supposed to write down a REALISTIC wish, and the forwarding requirements.

Come back soon!

A 'Getting to Know You' Activity

2008-01-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

1. Were you named after anyone?
Not particularly ... my mom found my name in the Bible and liked it.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Can't remember
3. Do you like your handwriting?
Usually not, although I like my signature.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Roast beef (preferably with cheddar cheese on a croissant and heated; or on a french dip sub).
5. Do you have kids?
Yes: Owl - 14-years; Tigger - 8-years; Lumpy - 4-years.
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Yeah, I'm a likeable person. :)
7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Who, me? ;)
8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes
9. Would you bungee jump?
Only if I had to (i.e., to save a life).
10. What is your favorite cereal?
Cracklin' Oat Bran (my husband calls it 'cat treats')
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
If they have laces, every time.
12. Do you think you are strong?
Not really, either physically or emotionally.
13. What is your favorite ice cream?
I can't remember the name, but it has swirls of raspberry sherbet and chunks of chocolate.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their smile ... and if they smile often.
15. Red or pink?
Red
16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Being overweight and out-of-shape... does that count as 2 things?
17. Who do you miss the most?
My grandfather.
18. What color pants and shoes/socks are you wearing?
Red and blue plaid pajama bottoms and tan 'memory foam' slippers.
19. What was the last thing you ate?
Steak fries dipper in tartar sauce
20. What are you listening to right now?
Silence.
21. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
A deep jewel color; probably a purple.
22. Favorite smells?
My childrens' hair when it is clean; chocolate; raspberry; pumpkin pie spice (cloves and cinnamon, especially); evergreen trees, oranges, citrus-scented cleaners.
23. Who was the last person you spoke with on the phone?
My husband.
24. Favorite sports to watch?
Winter olympics skating events; baseball - in person; local college football - in person; Summer Olympics - gymnastics
25. Hair color?
Light brown (although my youngest says it is 'yellow, like mine.')
26. Eye color?
Most people say green; some say blue ... some of both.
27. Do you wear contacts?
No, although I used to.
28. Favorite food?
Steak with A-1 sauce or horseradish. Almost anything somebody else cooked.
29. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings, definitely!
30. Last movie you watched?
Evan Almighty
31. What color shirt are you wearing?
Navy blue 'hoodie' sweatshirt with "Magic Kingdom / 2005 / Walt Disney World" printed on it.
32. Summer or winter?
Neither ... Spring
33. Hugs or kisses?
Both (from family)
34. Favorite dessert?
Ice cream ... or cheesecake.
35. What book are you reading now?
I just finished "I Heard That Song Before" by Mary Higgins Clark.
36. What is on your mouse pad?
Pictures of my kids from a trip we took last year.
37. What did you watch on TV last night?
Didn't watch TV last night; don't watch it very often.
38. Favorite sound?
My kids' laughter.
39. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Neither, I've "gone country."
40. What is the farthest you have been from home?
Does it count if I lived there? If so, Italy.
41. Do you have a special talent?
I can type very fast ... I write creatively.
42. Where were you born?
England
43. What time is it now?
6:30 am

Big, Fun, Scary Adventure

2008-01-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

I received an invitation the other day from Chris Baty, the founder of National Novel Writing Month (better known as NaNoWriMo). The invitation was to take part in Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge 2008.

The Challenge works like this: All of us come up with a list of things that we've long dreamed about doing, making, or being. These can be hard-nosed acts of practical skill-acquisition, such as becoming a ninja and learning to kill people with one's eyebrows. Or they can be fantastical notions such as going back to school and getting a degree in business administration.
...
To take part in the challenge, you just need to post at least one big, fun, or scary goal for yourself in the BFS forum of the NaNoWriMo site. Then, come January 1, we'll roll up our sleeves, pack a lunch and a change of underwear, and set out into the unknown together.

I am competing, and though it is already the 3rd day of the year and I am slacking on at least one of my challenges, I am going to do my utmost to get back on track and do the things I have listed (check the sidebar, above my blogroll).

If you would like to take part, as well, just go here to sign up.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T23:09:00.001-08:00

I hope you all had a wonderful, relaxing day spent with your nearest and dearest. I had the joy of seeing all three of my children show ecstasy and delight over their Christmas gifts.

Now that was a pleasure, and the best Christmas gift this mother could ever request.

I'm Back

2007-12-18T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I took a bit of a hiatus from writing ... at least on this blog. But if you look to the bottom of my blogroll (on the left), you'll see what I was doing.

That's right. I competed in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, for the uninitiated) 2007 and WON! I wrote a 50,136 word fantasy novel aimed at youthful readers. It was tiring and stressful, and within two days of finishing, I was thinking about doing it again. Yeah, even though I wrote 16,000 of those words in the last week of the competition, and regardless of the fact that I really didn't sleep that last week because I still had to go to work full-time, too. It felt good. REALLY good. Now I just have to get in the habit of writing on a regular basis...

Oh, and I need to edit the novel I wrote during NaNoWriMo. I might even be able to whip it into shape for publication... Now isn't THAT a dream to be realized?

Derailed

2007-10-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

I think I know why I am having such a difficult time with this diet ... I'm not planning my meals or preparing for those times when I'm going to miss a regular meal. I have managed to eat three slices of pizza every day since going on this diet; dinner the first night, then left-over slices for lunch the second day, followed by the "lunch special" (buy two slices of pizza and a pop for $3, get a third slice free) at the local pizza joint today because I couldn't get out of the office for more than 20 minutes for lunch. I am also not drinking enough water. So, for the next week I will be focusing on bringing a water bottle and healthy snacks (carrot or celery sticks, apples slices, an orange, etc.) to work every day. I'll keep checking in to let you ... anybody out there? ... know how I'm doing.

Failing

2007-10-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

I. Am. Failing!
I haven't even managed to stay on my "diet" for a whole day. I was going along great yesterday until sitting down to dinner, when I managed to wolf down three slices of (formerly) frozen pizza after eating my healthy salad.
Today, I didn't even make it through lunch. Rather than eating an actual lunch, I used most of that hour to run errands (shopping for a belt, toilet paper, Halloween candy, soda pop for D), so that I only had about 30 seconds to grab something from the 'fridge to take back to work for lunch ... leftover pizza. And tonight I took the kids to DQ for treats because Lumpy* earned a free ice cream for entering the Jack-O-Lantern contest at her day care ... and of course I had to have one because the Blizzard Of The Month is peanut butter cup and blizzards are my favorite ice cream treat from DQ and I had a coupon for .39 off. I'm just glad I didn't have the BOGO coupon or I would have bought a second one to keep in the freezer for this weekend. Lumpy had a DQ Sandwich, Tigger had a Dilly Bar, Owl had a grape-flavored Mr. Misty Freeze (the kind with the ice cream mixed into the Mr. Misty slush).
I have, however, signed up for the class I mentioned I was going to take. It begins on November 5th and I am SOOOOOO excited about it.
Also, since Tigger's scout meeting for tomorrow night was canceled, I think I'll use some of that hour to prepare celery sticks ... I should have done that tonight, but I was working on balancing my checkbook instead (and writing this blog post).

*Yes, I have nicknamed my three children after character's from Disney's Winnie-The-Pooh movies. If you are not familiar with some of the more recent movies, "Lumpy" is the nickname for Heffridge Trumpler Brompet Heffalump, IV, a young "heffalump" whom Roo meets and befriends. Lumpy is full of laughter, bouncing is what Tigger's do best and Owl is very knowledgeable about books (both in the movies and in my house).

Weight Loss

2007-10-22T22:57:00.001-07:00

Well, the "Health and Fitness" angle hasn't been working for me, so now I'm going to try to just lose weight. As of this morning, I weigh 183 pounds. My first goal is to be 5 pounds lighter by my birthday in the middle of November. My next goal is to be 10 pounds lighter, rather than 10 pounds heavier, by the 1st of the year. My long-term goal is to maintain a weight of 155 to 160 pounds; numbers I haven’t seen on the scale since before D and I met. However, I am still doing this for the same reasons I expounded before: I want my kids to see me making healthy choices about what I eat and how I spend my time; and I want to be able to walk without my thighs rubbing together.
The lifestyle that I have chosen is low-glycemic impact (low-G.I.) which means I'll be eating a lot of the items listed in the green section. I will also be signing up for a class through my local parks and recreation department called "Core Concepts," a class which will meet three days a week from 12:15 to 12:45 pm. My official weigh-in day will be Tuesdays, since I am starting my new eating plan on a Tuesday. So, I'll be back tomorrow with my first official weigh-in; if I have time, and can find the measuring tape, I may even do a few body measurements (upper arms, waist, hips, thighs, calves).

Interesting Animal Meme

2007-10-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

I saw this MeMe here and just had to participate.

An Interesting Animal I Had
Well, my parents have raised a variety of animals in my lifetime; at one point we had a bevy of ducks, a flock of chickens, and two rabbits that, well, bred like rabbits, as well as cat and a dog. However, the most interesting pet I have ever personally had was a chicken. Her name was Lucky, and my mom revived her twice (no, not through mouth to beak resuscitation). At no point was she actually dead, but she was so cold that she wasn't moving. Lucky grew up in a box in our kitchen, and she liked to be held, and she like to snuggle her head into the curve of my jaw.

An Interesting Animal I Ate
I once ate alligator tail at a restaurant in Florida. It was not a wild-caught alligator. I did feel a little guilty about eating it, but I was too curious to avoid it all together. It was battered and deep fried, and it looked and tasted like chicken breast except it was greasier and tougher.

An Interesting Thing I Did With or To an Animal
When I was a kid, we had a dog that we nicknamed "SuperDog." She liked to play tug-of-war, and no matter how hard you pulled she just would not let go of the towel (even if you didn't really want to play tug-of-war). Well, my brother and I discovered that once we got her to bite down on the towel or robe, we could pull her around the room and she would like with her forepaws out in front of her and her hind legs splayed out in back. We even managed to tie another towel around her neck (loosely, of course) so that it looked like a cape and then we would pull her along the floor yelling, "Go, SuperDog!" Lucky for us, we had no carpets.

An Interesting Animal in a Museum
I can't think of any interesting animals I have seen in a museum; I haven't spent much time in museums looking at animals, and any animals I have seen have been pretty normal (elk, bison, deer, etc.).

An Interesting Animal in its Natural Environment
I live in the country, so I see a lot of animals. I wish I had a picture of this one, though. I lived in Florida, many years ago, and had to walk about 3/4 of a mile to my bus stop. In order to save time, most of the kids on my block would cut through two neighbors' yards; it would shave off nearly 1/4 of a mile and several minutes to do this. Their yards abutted each other in the back and were separated by a row of trees, with a 3-foot-wide opening between two of the tree. One morning it became impossible to go through this space because there was a mama opossum and her three young hanging from a tree branch directly above our short-cut, and whenever anybody got within ten feet of the tree, the mama would hiss and bare her teeth. Rather than risk an opossum bite (and possibly rabies shots), we just walked the extra 1/4 of a mile to the bus stop.

Middle Name MeMe

2007-09-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules:

Write a post using each letter of your middle name describing something relevant to your life. Tag the same amount of people as you have letters in your name.

My middle name is DAWN:

Dreamer. I have an active imagination and dream-life, and sometimes wish I could stay there indefinitely...

Awe. I am awed by my children; they are my miracles and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

Weird. This is how my children, especially my teenager, would describe me. I make up strange songs and dance to them anywhere; my kitchen, the grocery store, wherever.

Nice; because I want to get something from Santa this year. :)

I'm not going to tag anybody, but if you are interested, feel free to play along.

Weight Loss or Health and Fitness

2007-08-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

Rather than waiting for inspiration to strike, I’ve decided I need to start writing about my daily life. I actually made that decision several weeks ago and was going to make one of my regular entries about my attempts at weight loss. I was going to “Diet Naked” (Mel, will you be my friend?) in front of all of you. Then I read this article (I was directed there through this post by Cheeky Lotus. It made me start to think; what kind of example am I setting for my kids (and I do include my son in that statement; it’s not just females that suffer from eating disorders).

So I decided that while I am not happy with my weight, I don’t want to set the example of “dieting” because I’m unhappy with how I look. I don’t want to embark on a journey with the mindset that it will eventually come to an end and then I’ll be able to return to my former eating habits. Instead, I am setting health goals for myself and will work towards them with the knowledge that this is my new life and there is no going back.

The example I REALLY want to set is about choices; specifically, about making the correct choices regarding what food I use to fuel my body, and what activities I allow myself to be involved with. That being said, I have set the following short-term goals for myself:

To begin the Couch-to-5K Running Plan.
To create a “Deal-a-Meal” type of food plan that incorporates the suggestions from http://www.mypyramid.gov/, the G.I. Diet, and the
12 Abs Diet Power Foods [http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=nutrition&category=abs.diet&conitem=b72a99edbbbd201099edbbbd2010cfe793cd____ ] (and to start using it).
To start spending a portion of each weekend outside being physically active with my children (for as long as weather allows) and to show them myself being physically active inside, too.

I also have long-term goals:

To make healthy eating choices.
To get regular exercise (30+ minutes) at least 5 days a week.
To be able to walk and not feel my thighs rub together.
To tone my upper arms so I can wear short-sleeved or sleeveless shirts without having to worry about showing arm flab.
To tone and strengthen my core muscles.

If accomplishing these goals causes the number on the scale to go down (and help me fit into smaller pants), then that is just the icing on the cake of setting a good example for my kids and making healthier choices for myself.

Grandmother

2007-07-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

We had a memorial service for my grandmother this past Saturday. She died on the eve of Christmas Eve last year, and this was the first chance we had to get everyone together. It was an interesting experience, but I felt somewhat detached.

My parent's pastor said a few words and a prayer and asked those of us gather to relate examples of my grandmother's sense of humor. I had nothing to add at the time. I remember my dad telling stories of my grandmother's humor. She once sewed (almost) every hole in one of his sweaters shut; the only hole she left open was the one at his waist...

After a few prayers, my dad spread my grandmother's ashes in the Columbia River. Then, he drank a gulp of beer (her preferred drink, though she gave it up when my grandpa got sick) and poured the rest of it over her ashes in the water. Followed by a bloom from my grandmother's rose. The rose was from a small plant that she'd had when she moved into the assisted living facility, but she was worried that it was dying in the room with her so she asked someone to take care of it for her. That was three years ago. According to the caretaker, it bloomed every year but hadn't bloomed this year until just this past week. We all stood there watching the current catch and pull the ashes, and for just a moment I was overwhelmed by the idea that I would never see my grandmother again; never touch her extremely soft skin; never kiss her whiskery cheek; never hear her recitations.

My grandmother was sharp as a tack to the very end, at least until the doctor's put her in a drug-induced coma to manage her pain. She was a whiz at reciting poems and songs from days-gone-by, and could remember things she had learned as a very little kid. I wish that I had learned some of them from her; I'd like to have that connection with her, and I'd like to be able to pass them on to the future.

Then, my father, my brother, his wife and the pastor rode up the hill and my dad placed the remainder of my grandmother's ashes at the base of a tree around which he had also spread the ashes of his other family members, my grandfather and my uncle. It hits me now, as it did in December, that my father is an orphan; the only remaining member of his birth family. He has no surviving predecessors. That makes me ache for him, and for my children, who can no longer touch that part of their history.

Finally, we went to another park for a picnic. Perhaps some of my grandmother's ashes floated by us while my children frolicked in the river. Perhaps, instead, she settled in the soil of the river she loved so much. Or perhaps she did both. And, even though we were never really close, she did have a hand in making me who I am.

Wherever you are, Grandma, I love you.

Magic

2007-07-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

There is magic all around us. Something magical occurs every day. Or, if you prefer, something miraculous occurs every day.
The world turns, the sun rises, and we open our eyes. If we are lucky, we get to gaze upon the faces of our loved ones.

Missed Opportunity

2007-07-12T20:36:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wanted something to happen, and then been disappointed when it happened? That is how I have been feeling. You see ...

I went off my BC at the end of May because it exacerbated my depression. However, then we were unprotected, and we were "together" at JUST the right time, and then ... I had to learn how to breathe again. And I prayed that I would not be pregnant. Now I know I am not pregnant, and I'm disappointed by the not being pregnant thing, and that doesn't make any sense because the realist in me knows that now is not the right time for another child (for so many reasons). But there is still a part of me that is disappointed, nay, ANGRY, about the whole situation; when really, who do I have to be angry with except myself, since I prayed not to be pregnant? Rather than living in the dream world wherein another baby would make everything better (D would stop being sick; Tigger would stop being angry; Lumpy would start going to sleep at night without requiring my hair), and instead I had to face reality and make the best decision for the family I have now.

And that decision was to find another type of protection and do everything I can to not get pregnant again.

To this, I say, "Damage." (Thanks, Antique Mommy!)

Post, anyone?

2007-06-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

Blogging is harder than I thought; I've been thinking about this since my last (first) post, 9 days ago, and hoping that the perfect blog post idea would come to me; something profound and inspiring and brilliant. Then I will feel comfortable inviting people to my blog, and they will all read my writing and be amazed and leave wonderful comments (and an editor or agent will call me and ask me to write a book). LOL! Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen after just a single post ... but it sure is a nice fantasy, isn't it?
So, how do you decide what to write about? I could always write about my husband, but I don't want to. I could write about my kids, but I don't want to do that, either. And I would never write about my work.
Instead, I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am, and trying very hard to find a definition outside of wife and mother. It's been more difficult than I thought it would, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to find a description of myself that I am truly happy with, but maybe that's the point. Maybe I need to keep growing and learning and moving to be truly happy with who I am. Maybe that is what will, eventually, define me... I can always hope, can't I?

Be Gentle

2007-06-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

Hello. Please be gentle with me, this is my first time. Yes, it's true. I am a novice, a neophyte; I am a blog virgin. Oh, I've been reading blogs for nearly a year (once I figure out how, I'll add a blogroll), but I'm finally taking the plunge and writing my first post. I've been thinking about it since July 2006; I even had my blog title at the beginning of August, but I haven't posted anything because I've been afraid. "Afraid of what?" you ask. Well, I’m afraid that nobody will find this blog, or that people will find it and not like it, or they'll like it but not comment, or the comments will be about how badly I’m writing (like this long, run-on sentence). I’m afraid of other things, too, like internet safety, identity theft, job security. But, I have finally decided to do it. I’m going to start this blog, and I’m going to follow the advice of Anne Lamott and Dorothea Brande, and I’m going to write every day. Some days I may even share what I’ve written with you.